WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
