my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
zippers are such a cool invention
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
