sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
we made out on top of his cat.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
