He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
