How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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