I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
