Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
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someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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