Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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