So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
