if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
