Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well I just put wine in my tea
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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