just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
