it wasn't lemon gatorade
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
