So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
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i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
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Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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