Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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