I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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