And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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