soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
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