I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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