hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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