ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
