Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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