I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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