so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
