Who did Billy Mays play for?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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