im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
