so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
