I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
