How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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