I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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