..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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