My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
