Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
