So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
