I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
don't judge my taste in strippers
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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