This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Found the puke drawer
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
