so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
