i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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