He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
