I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
