ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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