I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
