i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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