This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
