New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
