My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
