if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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