Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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