Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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