I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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