Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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