Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
