he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
