I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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