woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
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Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
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Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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