thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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