"it" just moved
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
