uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
