My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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