Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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