this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
