I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just google imaged poop.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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