You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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