i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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