Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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