Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
