Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
