it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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