As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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