I CAN MOONWALK!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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