It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
And then my night got REAL pukey
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
